Recently GQ named BYU as one of the worst-dressed colleges in America. While admittedly not a fashionista (t-shirt and jeans all the way), this has inspired me to further inspect the fashion choices made by males on campus. After a laborious period of observation I began to see trends in the styles chosen by the everyday BYU male. Upon further analysis of these trends I have attempted to classify BYU males into four major species: “The Bro”, “The Hipster”, “The BYU-Only”, and “The Average” . “The Bro”:
The bro is by far the easiest species of BYU male to spot on campus. One cannot help but notice their blatant usage of the peacock method. The mantra for the brotherhood of the bro’s is “the brighter and more noticeable, the better”. Like many examples found in nature, bro’s utilize their dazzling clothing to attract potential mates, often with very positive results. Some clothing staples of a typical bro are ridiculously bright flannels, seizure-inducing hoodies, and designer jeans. One of the most noticeable features of the bro is their unparalleled hair. Even a bro hater has to stop and admire the perfection of a bro’s hair, even though it causes one to wonder how many hours they spent on it that morning. A social species, bros are rarely seen outside of a bro herd. Also, because of their clear evolutional superiority, there is an unwritten height requirement to be a bro (6'2") unless you qualify as the token “funny short bro” that rolls with the bro herd.
“The Hipster”:
An ever-changing species, the hipster alone can prove the theory of evolution with the adopted slogan of “survival of the hippest”. While it is hard to classify a true hipster due to its underground clothing code, some giveaways include slightly askew beanies, v-necks that expose half of the torso, those glasses my mom used to wear in the 80’s, capris jeans, and a total disregard for accepted fashion styles. There is a fierce rivalry between the bro’s and the hipsters as the bro’s constantly steal hipster ideas, causing the hipsters to once again adapt to their new environment. I am often confused at the apparent paradox that most hipsters present: if all of you guys are trying to be different and hip, why do you all dress the same? Maybe one day I’ll understand what it truly means to be a hipster, but for now I just sit back and admire their innovative ways to make egregious style decisions.
“The BYU-Only”:
My personal favorite, the BYU-Only’s seem to believe that if you’re not wearing a BYU-affiliated item of clothing everyday then you don’t have school spirit. It makes one wonder if they even have other kinds of clothes. I can just picture in my head a BYU-Only sifting through every BYU sports shirt from the past 4 years trying to pick the perfect one for that day. But honestly, we get it, you go to BYU. We all do too. And I’m not going to “rise up” for BYU football anymore, they’re terrible. And what baffles me are the BYU athletes who insist on wearing the complete BYU athletic wardrobe every day consisting of BYU sweat pants, t shirt, sweat shirt, and beanie. Do they have multiple sets of all of these, or do they wear the same exact clothes every day? All in all, this well-intentioned fashion species serves forgetful students daily by reminding all of us that we do in fact go to BYU.
“The Average”:
In reality, the vast majority of BYU students fall into the “average” category. The distinct nature of the BYU-Only’s, Hipsters, and Bro’s creates an illusion that there are more of them than there actually are, downplaying the fact that almost every student at BYU is an average. Probably most of you reading this (if anyone is still reading this) fall into the average category. If you don’t, this is kind of awkward. Typical fashion choices for an average include conservative jeans (as opposed to the bro-favored neon pink ones), pretty nice, but not too crazy, shoes, a generic hoodie, a t shirt that is in the blue or black/grey color range, a noticeable section of garment above the collar line, and a missionary haircut. Holy cow I just described myself (except I need a haircut). Since the average is such a common species at BYU there are many subspecies including the “preppy average”, the “poorly-dressed average” (an unfortunate blend of tacky and mediocre),the “I would be an average but I work at the MTC”, and the “average who secretly wants to be a hipster but isn’t bold enough”.
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