Ben's Random Thought of the Week: Creepers

Creepers. Who are they? Where do they come from? Do they think what they are doing is socially acceptable? Are there as many as girls claim, or are there just a few serial creepers? These are just a few of the many questions I have about creepers that need to be answered. Although I feel like girls sometimes exaggerate their creeper stories, the facts are simply undeniable: there are creepers among us. While this fact is great for story material, it however has produced a dangerous side effect in the mind of this writer— the possibility that I am a creeper. Am I that guy who girls complain about to their friends? When I said hi to that girl in my class last week, was that creepy? If I tell a girl “nice outfit” am I shamelessly hitting on her? My susceptibility to paranoia has caused me to overanalyze every action I make, constantly evaluating the creepiness of it. To battle this phenomenon, I have taken five effective, yet drastic steps to be the anti-creeper.

1. Don’t say hi to anybody

2. Pretend like you know nobody’s name already, even if Facebook has unwantedly told you

3. If you see a girl outside of class, act like you have never seen her before in your life

4. Never ask a girl out on a date

5. Avoid eye contact with all members of the opposite sex

Although I have now succeeded in my goal of being the anti-creeper, I have now become the biggest social recluse of BYU. Maybe I should just become a creeper…